I'm getting that happening in a lot of aspects of my life lately. My parents are divorcing and I will either be buying a house or getting an apartment. Right there, I'm starting over. For the last nine years I've lived in this house, in this room, living my life, starting my life over more than once. Now that the living situation is changing, I feel like my EVERYTHING is starting over. It's not a bad thing, it's just scary.

To some things, starting over is a necessity, brought about to ensure that the things that I most love and cherish are preserved during the impending storm that I see bubbling over the mountains on the horizon. I'm a protector by nature, and in that vein, I will always do what I must to make sure that my actions are conducive to the happiness of others...

In this case, I do it for the person that I love with all my heart. For her I would move mountains, but now, I move my thoughts. I move my emotions, as strong as they are, to the side, and act like a boyfriend and not a spirit guide. Sometimes people need, for healing, for comfort, for growth, a myriad of things. Of me, she needs a boyfriend, silly as that sounds. That, I can give to her. Admittedly, it's going to take time for me to change the way that I have been thinking, acting, for many years, but for her I would do anything, and for her, this will be done.

I've always been a deeply emotional person. To many people it was hidden for a great number of years behind a veil of medication, talk therapy, and a stone facade of self. To a few, it has been overwhelming, overbearing, and overriding. To those people I apologize with my deepest and most sincere grace, and everything that I can muster. Those of you know who you are, and many of you will never read this journal. To the one this journal is devoted to, these changes are devoted to, please know that I am working just as hard as I can to corral horses that have been running free in the comfort of your presence for...5 years now. They will be broken, and used to help rebuild you, patiently, and always present, but in controlled doses and healthy amounts.

I love you, my darling. I'm keeping it just as light-hearted as I can, and I hope this journal doesn't strike a nerve, I'm quite literally just trying to show that I am fighting just as you are.

Please believe in me...because I know you love me.

That's all I can ask now.

Goodnight,

-Me